virtualmom

Update: Boring but Still Here

Today is April 20th-the days have been whizzing by, don't know where the first quarter went.  My primary focus has been to stay close to home, lay low, not bring in too many new stimuli, and get the kids settled into this new life of separate homes.  

So, excitement has been OUT for us this quarter and I must say, it's been a good plan.  The simple life has is working for us, I think we all needed it.  I am storing up my energy, replenishing for the near future.  What is in store in the near future?  IDK.  I do not have a plan, and it feels good.  No agenda.  It took a lot of energy to get me to this point and I am refueling.

Hope you understand what that means.  

Hiring a Virtual Assistant

My friend(I won't mention her name here) is paid to write blog posts for a doctor on his blog. She is not a doctor at all but she is being paid.  Others I know have hired interns to write posts for them or to send out tweets on their behalf.  

Is this cool?  Is this a new and necessary field of work?  Are we creating new jobs by outsourcing these tasks?  Do posts and tweets have to be authentic?  Do they  have to come from the original creators?  HMMM.  

I am not judging--just questioning!

Been A While

It has been a while since I posted here.  I am going to change the name of this blog but I can't decide what to call it.  I want the name to reflect my new status, that of being recently separated.  www.freeat45.com or marriedbutlivingapart.com or www.nomorecompromising.com  Any suggestions?  What do you think?

Or maybe I should switch my focus to mommy-ing 2 tweens in NYC?  I read this morning in the NYT's about Mommyblogging and the huge industry it has become.  Advertisers will spend 746 million on blogs by 2012. There are a ton of mommyblogs about staying at home, infants, toddlers--I need to know about the tween mommy blogs and the ones that talk about getting back into the workforce when your kids are that age.  When the kids reach a certain age, you do not need to still be at home.  The transition is hard.  Businesses do not want to hire women who have been out of the work force for so long.  

I am lucky to have my small business, it has kept me lively.  But I am currently looking to increase my income and I have to be enterprsing in doing so.  Lately I have been making money again with daytrading--but DUH--the market is going up so who hasn't been making money daytrading in this environment.  The money making right now has nothing to do with skill(I should not kid myself).  

THINK-THINK -THINK: How can I make more money?  How can I make more money???

Valentine's Day 2010

I just checked my blog to see if I posted last Valentine's Day. I wanted to read what I had posted and if I sounded sad. Last Valentine's Day I was sad, I knew my marriage was not at a good point.

Yes, I did post and basically said nothing!  I said that L, La., and I were going to watch the NBA Slam Dunk contest.  This year, as I write, I am doing the same thing!  Almost!  I am sitting here watching the NBA All Star Game(slam dunk was last night).  But this year I am alone.  La. has L and two of his friends at his place.  It's OK.  Transition time.  I am not feeling sad.  But I am hoping that I will be spending next Valentine's Day's with someone.  We don't need to be doing anything fancy, I just don't want to be alone too long!

For all of you lovers out there-enjoy your day!   

Shaken Up

This sounds strange but I have had dreams about being out in nature for a camping trip and not having access to caffeine in the morning and then getting a huge headache.  I think at this point, I drink espresso as much to avoid that headache as to actually liking it.  I realize this is a sign of my addiction.  The sheer thought of that caffeine withdrawal headache sends shivers down my back.  

I rely on a few basics for everyday comfort: Espresso in the morning made at home, first thing right when I wake up is one of them.  My cellphone with years of contacts in it and my car and parking space are the others!

When we moved from the West Side of Manhattan all the way over to the East Side, I lost all of these things!  All of them within a matter of days!  Not only was I feeling displaced because I have never lived so East in my life, but because I really couldn't function without my staples: espresso, phone, and car with a place to park it!  

Possibly because of the move or I don't know why or how, but my 5 year old espresso machine broke right when I got to the new aprtment.  Then I cracked my cellphone during a bicycle fall on 23rd Street. Since we are now spending more on living expenses, we decided to forego a monthly parking space.  

I can't tell you how much I have spent in the last few weeks on parking, parking tickets(!), being towed, and buying Starbucks daily until I can get my machine fixed.  Fortunately I got a new phone quickly but I am still missing some 400 phone numbers that will take time to replace. 

It has been uprooting and upsetting!  My life was pretty smooth before this move, I had everything in place.  I like being organized, planning ahead, and being efficient.  

Things will get back to normal, hopefully even get better than before, but for now, I have taken several steps backward!  UUUGGGGG!

Ending this Blog

I am ending this blog, perhaps starting a new one under a new title in a bit.  Since my separation at the beginning of the year, I just have not felt like writing.  Ok, maybe I could not write anything without getting too personal and since I don't want to get that personal, I have not been able to blog.  Everytime i start to post, something personal comes out and for the sake of everyone in my family, I can't post my entries.  

I have been thinking about going anonymous on a blog because I do enjoy writing and sending my thoughts out there.  

BTW, life now that I am alone, is so much harder!  I can empathize with all of the single mothers out there in a much more real sense than ever before.  I used to always say that it must be so hard being on your own, but you can't imagine being on your own (or anything for that matter) until you experience it. Plus, my kids are in their teens now, so my single mom experience is easier than most --and it is still hard!!!

 I guess one positive take from being single is that I am now a fuller person with yet another experience behind me!  

Ladies, if you are at all considering separating, think hard before you make a move.  Being a family unit is (at the bare minimum) an efficient & convenient way to raise children.

2009 Almost Over! Looking forward to Putting it Behind us!

 2009 has been a whopper of a year and I am glad to put it to a close!  

One of the toughest I can remember.  Too much stress!

Is this true for everyone-do you feel the same way?  Or were we particularly hard hit? 

Onward and Forward!  

Keeping Up on Technology

There is rapid change occurring these days in how business is being done.  There have been articles and press about how the internet and social media are changing how business is being done.   Change is underway.  It is happening now.  Fast, Fast, Fast.  I think that when we look back upon 2009, we will not only talk about the down economy but the rise of the new economy.

We, people in our 40's and up have got to keep up with what is going on.  The younger generation doesn't know from different --they just think this is how things are done.  They don't have to go through the process of UN-DOing that we have to go through.  We have to process this change, understand the evolution, accept it, and quickly get up to snuff about it.  OPPORTUNITY IS EVERYWHERE because the market is changing--but it is hard to see when you don't even accept that business as usual is gone forever!  

I say: Be ready for change, be ahead of the curve, don't watch on the sidelines as it is happening around you.  I say this and yet I have to confess that it is easier said then done.  But keep thinking, keep in the game and some great thought will emerge.  I feel like I am close--not there yet, but heading there.

I read an article this morning about REAL ESTATE BROKERS becoming obsolete.  The article was on the front page of the NYT real estate section and the report compared real estate brokers to stockbrokers and travel agents--claiming that new technology has made these jobs unnecessary!!!  That is a bold statement!  If true, it means that thousands of people are in the position of losing their jobs and income.  I say that the truth is not so far off.  The internet has opened so many new ways of obtaining information, marketing to your end customer, and reaching a broad customer base giving the individual the tools that once were only available to industry experts.  

I wish there was a way to keep up with everything that is going on now.

What gift are you giving yourself this holiday season?

Good Question.  

What I have been giving myself lately is less judgement.  I have been more accepting of myself and not as harsh as usual.  As a result, I feel calmer and better about myself.  Possibly I might even get more done. What exactly I mean by this, is that I have in the past gotten down on myself when I don't accomplish everything that I want to.  Now, if I waste an hour or so, I don't fret about it--somehow that 'down' time actually is needed and in the long runs helps.  So now I don't think of it as wasted time --instead I think of it as part of the longer process.  Maybe that is what it is, I am allowing more time for the process to happen.  Which feels right!

It is a good gift indeed!

How We Are Doing

It was nice to have a brief chat earlier today with a dad who I haven't seen in about a year and a half.  He reminded me of our last conversation, which was about the demise of Bear Stearn and then he asked me how we were doing. 

I thought I would write about how we are doing. The recession has been tough on many people, us included.  La. is not making money like the good old days.  My business (or businesses) are still not bringing in the dough as I had anticipated( though I am still very hopeful and will forge ahead in my endeavors).  We lost a bunch of savings and since we no longer own an apartment we still have to tackle our age old issue which is: where to reside.  This issue has been persistent for La. and I, a chronic problem for us, haunting (at least me) for decades. It is not an easy issue to have hanging over your head day in and day out, and when we owned our apartment I had thought we had moved onward and past this.  But we are no longer real estate owners.  I don't like being in my mid-40's without a permanent home.  Just me-- I know other people don't consider this a problem.   I want stability.

In any case, living with little income has been a drag.  Fortunately we had/have savings that we have been dipping into it!  But nobody likes to dip into savings and certainly not what we had planned.  But the bigger world changed around us --which changed our personal world and 'the plan' had to be adjusted!  

Money issues are known as the single biggest stress on relationships!  I can now attest to the truth of this statement.  La. and I had our issues before going into this recession and our issues have  only been illuminated from such.  We are struggling with each other, yet somehow surviving.  

Our family's spending has decreased which is a good thing. Spending and consuming is quite easy to forego, something I never indulged too much in anyway.  I have witnessed that a bunch of friends are doing the same.  On my mom's soccer team, several teammates have been laid off.  At my co-op workspace, many of the women business owners are struggling to keep afloat.  Freelance work is harder to get in these times.  Seems like everyone has been hit.

I hope this entry is not too personal and that I don't come off sounding ungrateful. Adjusting to this new reality has just been difficult at times and I felt like sharing.